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Sunday, May 31, 2015

Sword & Wizardry vs. Barrowmaze Session 7

Sword & Wizardry vs. The Barrowmaze, Session VII

Or How I stopped being afraid and embraced the carnage.

The Campaign Continues....

The time has come again for my players to once again brave the horrors of the Barrowmaze. The game got off to a delayed start as we had a couple of birthdays to celebrate. 

Allow me to once again introduce the party

The Party

All of the original members of the Crimson Blades are now dead, leaving only Ivana who was a late addition to the group and Bartik, the first and only hireling they hired, still alive.
  • Ivana Humpalot, Dwarf Thief, chaotic evil buxom dwarven lass whose murderous intent is only rivaled by her libido. 
  • Bartik, Human Guide (NPC), promoted to henchmen for surviving this long

Deceased Party Members

  • Al`Kashid Jaffar Rahim Abdul Grazzzhalaz AKA Al-Jeezra, Human Paladin, A magnificent warrior beloved by all (except Roscoe) and scion of Horus, accidently killed by Shy Greenleaf
  • Shy Greenleaf, Male Halfling Thief and pint sized killing machine, killed by falling out of a tree
  • Ehith Splinterra, Elven Magic-User, 1,400 year old elven 1st level wizard, killed by skeleton
  • Ridley, Human Fighter, Busty Young Female Fighter killed by spider bite
  • Jarvis, Human Cleric of Herne, also known as Jarvis the Shitty Tailor, killed by centipedes
  • Splendiferous Finch, Half-Elf Fighter/Magic-User, known for fantastic hair which upon his death was discovered to be a wig, impaled with spear
  • Rosco Coltrane, Human Fighter and wannabe Paladin, who died when his armor failed to protect him.
  • Jimminy, Human Albino Wizard, had his head split open when his own bodyguard missed his target and hit him instead.
  • Seamus, Human Ranger dedicated to the god Herne, fumbled stunned himself and was killed for his troubles.
  • Wart, Human Ranger dedicated to the god Herne, killed his employer and got himself killed.

The Wall of the Dead

For this campaign we are pinning all of the dead characters to the wall, They all get the Red Dragon of Doom Stamp and are denoted on how they died.

The Wallpaper Dead, Coming to AMC


And now a  Message from Our Sponsors

This meme brought to you by RBDMU.

Session Seven (Spoiler Alerts)

Ivana calmly cleaned her nails with her dagger while she listened to the death screams of her party. She smiled when she heard Fitch's garbled scream. Bartik looked around and then looked at Ivana and then asked "What now Boss?"

DM Note: As part of Ivana's backgrounds and dark secret, she was secretly a coward and hated elves. She was never going to get involved in that fight and if the half-elf got killed, bonus!

Ivana pondered this for a minute, as she sat and thought. It was then that she spied an approaching party of adventurers

"Oh look a fresh crop of patsies....oh I mean "Our Saviours"

The approaching party was a group of humans led by a dashing warrior, 

DM Note: All the player's whose characters died last session had drawn new characters from the Fresh Meat Folder. Never in a million years could I ever have a party like this again.

Now introducing the 

Swords of Saint Ygg


Sir Bryce, Human Male Paladin of St. Ygg, A shining beacon of knighthood and chivalry. Gleaming armor and perfect teeth, the very image of a dashing hero.

Brother Cade, Human Male Cleric of St. Ygg, A devoted brother of the church and defender of the faithful. Boon companion and advisor to Sir Bryce.

Squire Adric, Human Male Squire, (NPC) Sir Bryce's faithful squire, one man cheering section and religious bigot. Constantly reminds everyone how great Saint Ygg is and how Sir Bryce is a beacon of light and holiness.  Everything that happens good or bad, he will exclaim because "God Wills It".

Sister Jade Lotus, Human Female Monk of the Temple of Lo Pan.  A tiny woman of striking beauty which is only matched by her foul mouth and broken common. Hired by Sir Bryce after witnessing her clear out an entire tavern.
You! Round Eye! You lookie at my titties.

Skylar, Human Male Fighter (Secretly a LE Assassin). Dark hooded warrior, who while waiting for his next assignment, found himself in a party of do-gooders.
of course I am a good aligned fighter! Just look at me
Proximo, Human Male Guide (NPC), Hired in Helix, he led the party to the Barrow Mounds. 

and last but not least

Felipe Consuela Conchita 

Alvarado Galarraga de Pena Gonzales 

aka Consuela Banana Hammock, 

Human Drag Queen Bard, (Secretly a Neutral Assassin)

Shit, need I say more? And yes, she had the fruit hat, Brother Cade kept picking fruit off it.

 "Chica, Chica Boom Chic," "O Tic-Tac do Meu Coração,"

The meeting between Ivana and the Swords of St Ygg was one of the funniest things I had ever seen roleplayed in a while. Between Ivana mistaking Sister Jade for a skinny halfling, to much sexual innuendo it was a good 30 minutes of pure hilarity.

Ivana gave them a sob story about how her party has been attacked and asked Sir Bryce for help. He,  of course, could not refuse and led the charge to finish of the animated statues. It was a short fight. The party looted the tomb and buried the dead.

The Tomb of the Dark Arts

The party decided to explore some of  the other barrows and quickly found a sealed tomb. They began to crack it open when two Coffer Corpses came shambling up.

DM Note: This is a unique monster that I had never seen before, Barrowmaze Complete has a Monster Manual Section that has a lot of monsters I had never seen before. There is however no entry for Pterodactyls, which is an listed random encounter, they are also missing from the LL and S&W rulebooks. An minor oversight, Mr. Gillespie's I would love to know what you used.

Luckily Consuela had acquired the magical longsword from the previous barrow and was able to dispatch the two creature, which were not affected by normal weapons. In addition, the party all made their fear saves. They finished cracking open the tomb and acquired a magical book which they did not open. With nothing else of interest, they decided to check out one more barrow before heading back to town.

The Mound of Secret Stairs

The party searched the already looted tomb, Ivana was able to discover the trigger that caused a secret staircase to be reveled. The party got into a proper marching order and descended into the depths. They soon find themselves entering the Forbidden Antechambers of the  Barrowmaze.

DM (Me): OK Gang, I need a marching order and I need to know what you are carrying.
Sir Bryce (Clark): You mean what we are carrying in our packs?
DM (Me): No, I need to know what you are wielding.in your hands.
Jade: (Val): He is wielding JUSTICE!!!

The Tabernacle of Forgotten Gods

The party immediately encounters a group of skeletons roaming the hallways and gets the drop on them. The fight goes quickly. Skylar did manage to fumble and his sword skittered into the tabernacle. Ivana, Brother Cade, and Skylar explored the tabernacle while Sir Bryce, Consuela and Jade searched the skeletons and a closet off the hallway.

Ivana missed finding a pit trap and it took the combined efforts of Brother Cade, Sklylar and Jade to pull her out.While this was going on, Consuela and Proximo stirred up a nest of Giant Centipedes. Consuela was bitten twice and fell out of the closet (that got a lot of laughs). Having failed two saves, Consuela died. Sir Bryce and the three hirelings managed to dispatch the rest of the centipedes. 

The rest of the party gathered around poor Consuela and Brother Cade began to give him/her last rites. Ardic, once again, began to go on about how great Sir Bryce was and how it was god's will that Consuela die. Ivana has been listening to this insipid ponce go on and on. He had not stopped prattling since she meet this group.

Ivana chopped the head off one of the centipedes and while no one was looking backstabbed the squire with the poison pincers in the hopes of making it look like he had been bitten during the fight,
However Jade and Sir Bryce saw her do it. Sir Bryce drew his sword and killed Ivana with one blow.Skylar tried to stop him but barely managed not to get cut down in the process.

Shocked at the brutal murder of Ardic, the party decided to return to the town of Helix to give Consuela and Ardic proper burials. Ivana's body, they stripped and dumped into the pit trap.

DM Note: Some people may wonder why I let this happen. Ivana was played the way she was designed, a chaotic evil thief. All of the players were cool with how things were handled and it was considered good roleplay. My players were more upset that I killed Consuela. 

This senseless loss of life was brought to you by

The Fraternal Order of Rat Bastard Dungeon Masters