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Saturday, May 16, 2015

Sword & Wizardry vs. The Barrowmaze Session 5

Sword & Wizardry vs. The Barrowmaze Session V

The Campaign Continues....

..............and takes a turn into the absurd

Heading into our fifth session and I will give you all a chance to guess what happened!

Your are correct!!!

Once again I was short

.................two players

........ again

It is at this point that I shall reintroduce the party.

  • Jarvis, Human Cleric of Herne, also known as Jarvis the Shitty Tailor
  • Splendiferous Finch, Half-Elf Fighter/Magic-User, known for having fantastic hair
  • Rosco Coltrane, Human Fighter and wannabe Paladin
  • Ehith Splinterra, Elven Magic-User, 1,400 year old elven 1st level wizard
  • Ridley, Human Fighter, Busty Young Female Fighter, Apple of Jarvis's Eye
  • Sir Grunky Peeps, Human Fighter, A nobleman and very loud talker, likes to refer to himself in the 3rd person.
  • Al`Kashid Jaffar Rahim Abdul Grazzzhalaz AKA Al-Jeezra, Human Paladin, A magnificent warrior beloved by all (except Roscoe) and scion of Horus
  • Shy Greenleaf, Male Halfling Thief and pint sized killing machine
  • Ivana Humpalot, Dwarf Thief, buxom dwarven lass who lives up to her name
  • Bartik, Human Torchbearer and Guide (NPC)

Session 5

The party decided to take a break from exploring the Barrowmaze and decided to make some gold harvesting spider silk from the Blackened Forest for Valerion the town elf. The elf was a bowyer and fletcher who also wove fantastic items from spider silk. His supply was low and he need someone to go with him to gather more silk.

Sir Grunky was still in Ironmotte and had discovered the joys of Turkish Black Tar Heroin. Ivana the dwarf decided she had caused enough ruckus that she needed to lay low for a while. The party had recently rented an farmhouse in town to be their home base, so she stayed behind to "supervise" the workman fixing the roof.

The party's journey itself to the forest was uneventful and they were able to find a cluster of trees covered in silky spiderwebs. Roscoe, Ridley and Shay immediately climbed the nearest trees to begin cutting down the webs. Valerion, Fitch and Bartick hung back and were on guard for attacks from the ground.

DM Note: Brace yourself true believers this is where it goes to ludicrous speed

Al`Kashid decided to head to a tree on the far side of the tree cluster. He climbed the tree with ease and then....

[Me] So what do you do?

[Jim] I will slice through a thick strand of the silk. Then I will use it to swing down to the ground in a heroic flourish.

[Me] . . . . .Uhm OK.....Roll me a D20 to slice through the strand, grab it and swing to the ground.

DM Note: I figured this would be an easy task, so I set the difficulty at a 5 or better on a d20.  As long as he did not roll a 1 and fumble, piece of cake, right?

[Jim] Rolls Dice.........I rolled a 1

Kitty can't believe it

[All the other players] "Oh Shit!!!!" 

Al`Kashid swung his sword at the strand but lost his footing and instead his sword became entangled in the web. His efforts to free the sword caused the whole web to tremble. Soon dog sized spider descended out of the top of the trees and attacked the party.

The spiders attacked first. One spider jumped on Ridley, sinking it's fangs into her face, pumping her full of poison. Ridley then fell out of the tree, landing on the ground a twitchy dying heap. The rest of the spider's attacks on the party all missed.

Valerion the Elf and Fitch fired arrows & magic missiles slaying the spider and avenging their comrade. Roscoe swing and wounded the spider attacking him.

Then it was Shy the Halfling's turn to spring into action. Taking his drawn dagger, he swings wildly at the spider and...........

[DM] What did you roll to Hit?

[Clark] "head bowed down" I rolled a "One"

[All the other players] "Sucks for you man!!!!"

[DM] "Pulls out my critical fumble table" Roll me a D12

[Clark]: I rolled a "Twelve "

[All the other players] "Oh Crap!!!!"

[DM] Wow, that is a Major FUBAR!, Never had that happen before, Roll D12 Twice more.

[Clark] I rolled a "Ten " and a "Eleven"

[DM] OK, I am going to need you to roll me a To-Hit Roll and I am going to need some saving throws from the following people......


........Shy completely missed the spider.In fact, Shy lost his footing and with his wild swing he accidentally flung his dagger away. It sailed through the air and stuck the party's  paladin Al`Kashid directly in the eye, point first, killing him instantly as it pierced his brain. Shy then proceeded to fall out of the tree and landed on his neck killing himself.

The rest of the party quickly got over the shock of what happened and wiped the rest of the spiders out. Rosco and Fitch looked over the carnage and the loss of life...........

[Roscoe] I got dibs on the paladin's platemail

[Fitch] Holy Shit, he had over 500 gold pieces on him, you know I think we have been going about this all wrong.

[Roscoe] What do you mean?

[Fitch] We have made more gold off of our dead comrades then we have treasure hunting. Not to mention what we can get for all of their stuff once we sell it in town.

[Roscoe]:We could start our own business selling second hand adventuring gear.

During their conversation, an albino magic-user accompanied by two rangers walked out of the woods.and approached them. 


This senseless loss of life was brought to you by

When it comes to killing player characters, DM Tested and Approved.